Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
