The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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