So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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