you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
