addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
