You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
