we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
