Christians are straight up FREAKS
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
