i just made my gag reflex go away.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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