I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Found the puke drawer
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
