Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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