You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
