Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
