booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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