Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
