sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
