Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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