If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
