Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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