words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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