its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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