my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.