I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday