So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.