so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.