you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.