you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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