So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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