When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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