Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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