So drunk its hurt
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
