if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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