hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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