So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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