Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
