I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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