I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
