Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
