I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
third nipple confirmed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
