the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
COCAINE IS GR8
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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