we're blogging at a bar
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
