I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
