Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
