Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
