I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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