if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
