I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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