I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
