smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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