Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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