I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
