dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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I want her autograph on my taint
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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