He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i've created a new STD.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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