you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
