I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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