so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
