I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
