Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
