no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
God, I missed his penis.
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