found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
