i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
