i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
