just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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