you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
