You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
