'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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