Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
