i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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