Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
