What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
