It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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